Give yourself a High Five

’Setting goals is the first step of turning the invisible into the visible’ - Tony Robins

Goal setting is probably irreplaceable. If you want to move forward and succeed you need to know where you’re going.

Goal setting, however, is not about the how. It’s all about the why. Why do you want to achieve this particular thing? If you can justify your end means, you can kick start immediately and get there gradually.

But goal setting is also about the small steps perceived as goals – daily, weekly, monthly, annually, and again, WHY the completion of a particular activity REALLY MATTERS and will it bring you closer to the end mean.

However, this journey could be very frustrating if you are not used to the habit of appreciation and gratitude.

Perceive the each baby step as something of great worth

This morning I set up a goal to write a blog. Why? Because this will give me the feeling of accomplishment.

Why does it matter to you? It doesn’t. That’s why I need to give myself a high five once completed, because no one else will.

I hear great things about some of my work and enthusiasm.

*Many thanks to everyone that has ever given me their feedback – it means so much!

Sometimes I get a good number of likes and shares and some very inspiring comments (the current way of measuring my success). Sometimes there’s 1 like… from my mom. She doesn’t even understand english.

But this is not what matters the most. I continue doing what I love and what I am striving to be my best at, no matter the result of each ‘small’ goal achievement. If the aftereffect doesn’t comply with your performance indicators (as in my case – likes, comments, shares) you need to ‘make up’ the outcome just so you stay motivated. Here comes the role of Big goals towards small – I feel super buzzing and excited every time I click ‘Publish’ because that means I’m one step closer, one idea better, one action further.

To make good things happen, time and effort are required. Not approval. But how to convince ourselves we’re doing well, how to feel truly proud of ‘just a small step’ towards the top and feel the buzz that pushes us forward.

To be able to high five yourself, you should be able to reflect on yourself.

Appreciating the reserve gap

This idea comes from the entrepreneurial coach Dan Sullivan. Most of us are watching the forward gap – the gap between where we are now and where we want to be. The problem is, we always tell ourselves we’ll be happy when we hit that sales target, buy a house, get 10,000 followers etc. But are we, really?

If we keep on chasing the forward gap, the chase will never end. No matter how good life gets, we’ll always be chasing next idea on the horizon, it will always remain ahead of us. Instead, we should look backward – to the past – and appreciate how far we’ve come. This is the so called reverse gap.

What are you measuring against?

Turn around and measure backwards from your starting point. Measure actual progress. How far you’ve come and how much you’ve learned. (Syed, M., 2010) Then you can wholeheartedly high five yourself.

Stop seeking a tip on the shoulder. Be objective and give yourself a real reason to be proud. I promise it’ll be much more valuable and truthful than if it comes from somebody else.

‘Opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth’

wrote Napoleon Hill in ‘Think and Grow Rich‘.

‘If you really want to significantly increase the amount of money you are presently earning, the first thing you must learn is to pay substantially less attention to what others around you are saying and substantially more attention to what that ‘quiet voice’ that speaks within you is saying’

added Bob Proctor in ‘You were born rich‘

And the references don’t just apply to money acquisition, but rather to any goal you desire to achieve – professional, family, health and lifestyle.

Nobody will clap their hands all the way through your journey to the top. Probably just at the start and finish. Or only at the finish, when you have it all. That’s why it is crucial to clap for yourself, to give yourself a high five, to admire the completion of ALL your goals. Otherwise, you might lose the drive and motivation due to a lack of approval.

However, our human nature unconsciously creates an urge to be accepted, to be approved, to associate.

Many of us claim that we are not influenced by others but this is rarely true. The reason for that claim is that we think about the conscious influences: ’I don’t care she said she doesn’t like my make up, I look stunning’ – but we don’t consider the unconscious bias we experience.

‘What motivates people to achieve is one of psychology’s classic questions. It is thought that such motivation often depends on whether an endeavor is linked to one’s sense of identity and feelings of belonging.’ (Cohen, G. and Garcia, J. 2017)

In 2003, Greg Walton and Geoffrey Cohen, two American psychologists, conducted an intriguing experiment. They gave an insoluble puzzle to a group of Yale students, but there was a catch. Prior, the students were given a report written by former Yale maths student Nathan Jackson in order for them to read some feedback on the maths department. Nobody knew that the two researchers wrote the paper themselves.

In the report ‘Jackson’ tells of how he got interested in maths once he joined the uni and how he enjoyed it so much that he became a teacher afterwards. He shares a bit of biographical information: age, home town, education and birthday.

For half the students, Jackson’s birthday was intentionally matched to that of each individual student. Once they read the report, the students were asked to solve the maths puzzle.

‘To the astonishment of Walton and Cohen, the motivation level for the students in the shared birthday group did not just even nudge up, or even jump up: it soared.’ (Syed, M. 2010)

‘This manipulation, by creating a sense of connectedness to others in math, independently raised participants’ achievement motivation, for instance increasing their persistence on an insoluble math puzzle by 70%.’ (Cohen, G. and Garcia, J. 2017)

What we are seeing in work here might be called motivation by association: a small, barely noticed connection searing deep into the subconscious and sparking a motivational response.

‘I am similar to this guy; he has achieved really good things in maths; I want to achieve those things too!’ (Syed, M. 2010)

We can control the conscious bias (with practice) but not the unconscious. However, as it is our own mind, we can at least manipulate it to some extend, by choosing some of the influencers.

Choose your surroundings wisely

The people around you, the content you see on social media, the books you read, every single thing you let touch your mind – be extremely careful with your environment.

Be analytical and think in perspective. Ask yourself questions and evaluate.

How communicating with this person …

How following this Instagram account …

How listening to this podcast …

How seeing this movie …

How reading this magazine …

… could influence my subconscious.

Make sure that if you don’t get a high five from your audience, they are not stopping you from high fiving yourself.

Keep the PossVibes in your life and reduce the negativity as much as possible. Make happiness a daily routine.

Love,

Maria